Post mortem, post break-up.

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School and Bollywood are the foundation pillars of our education. School teaches us to follow career paths that parents can boast about and Bollywood teaches us to handle relationships that only your girlfriend’s friends will appreciate.

Career and Relationship has a format. And thou shall be judged if thou fail to fit in that format.

Format for career:

If you don’t enrol yourself in an engineering college after standard 12 it means you are aimless and regardless of what you do you shall get the tag of Naalayakh or a person who is simply wasting dad’s money.

Format for relationship

After a break up if you don’t cry in public, it means you never loved your partner.

You see Professor Yash Chopra from the Pretentious Institute of Love has taught us some very important things. Things one should do after a break up.

·         You should boycott yourself from worldly pleasures. (Even things like Comedy Nights with Kapil) 

·         You should sit in a shady bar and drink cheap alcohol.

·         You should listen to sad songs. Maybe even songs like ‘Ishq waala love’ will make sense.  

·         Your FB statuses should only be about sad songs or quotes from great writers or maybe cute baby videos and cat videos. (While sharing, usage of emoticons can earn you brownie points)

·         Become a writer. Write poems.

If you don’t follow the above formats then get ready to be judged. Intensity of love is directly proportional to the amount of tears you shed in public.

Some things haven’t changed. During the era of our parents, husbands and wives were chosen on ‘who can be flaunted more’ basis. As sexist as it may sound but wives were selected on the basis of beauty or dowry and husbands were selected on the basis of CTC. Words like trustworthy, understanding, compatibility, loving, caring, hardly found any mention during the entire selection process. For the selection committee (parents and relatives) husbands and wives were meant to be trophies.

For some even today they are trophies. Observe this – whenever someone asks about our partner, invariably the first thing we tell them is his/her qualifications or CTC, at times even the prosperity of the family. We still try to justify our choice. Maybe in the process we are trying to reassure ourselves about our selection.

Anyways lets talk about breakups. After all that’s what this post was supposed to be about. Sometimes break ups have reasons and at times they are as random as this post. Whatever be the reason, you are supposed to cry after a break-up. God forbid, if you don’t then you will be called a Casanova. You will be accused of breaking your partner’s heart.

No one gives a fuck about the real story. At times they portray it like they do give a fuck but don’t let their concern fool you. They don’t. Because more often than not they already have a speech ready for you. Using their own miserable examples or some random person’s sob story they try to tell you what you already know – that you had a break up. The Agony Aunts and the Understanding Uncles of your life will gather around you and empathise with a pain which probably isn’t as big. But don’t you dare tell them that the pain isn’t big. Don’t you dare tell them that their dialogues are pointless.

I hate being a sexist but times our tougher for men. Because whenever there’s a break up 90% chances are that you will be the reason. If not, then who cares you are a man and you can take care of yourself. You just need to drink enough. I agree. We don’t. But we also don’t need people to judge us and accuse us. Honestly sometimes being a man is the toughest thing to be in this so called man’s world. I would like to end with a random prayer that might allure Shri Shri Honey Singh lovers.

Mere aansu rokte-rokte khud rone waalo

Mera dil toota hai koi paani ki tanki nahin

Baat baat pe mujhe gale lagane waalo

Dil dukh raha hain mera peeth nahin

Meri khamoshi ko zabardasti shabdon mein bunne waalo

Mera chutiya kata hai, zubaan nahin

Mujhe manane ke liye mehangi sharab pilaane waalo

Mera dil toota hai FD nahin

Bin maange sahara dene waalo

Mera dil toota hai, jigar nahin.

Namashkar!!!

PS: Any similarity to any person living or dead is purely intentional.

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2 thoughts on “Post mortem, post break-up.

  1. Have been reading your blogs..have become your fan. After reading arpan’s story my heart sank.
    Post mortem post break up is hilarious. Just loved it.

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