Q – What happens when a girl breaks a guy’s heart?
Ans. – Two guys become the best of friends.
It was a winter evening of 2003. Firangi and I were sitting in our balcony, speaking about topics which didn’t make sense (about love). Amidst that mist we chanced upon a guy carrying a crate full of beer.
Cut to across the road. We were staring at a board which read ‘ADITYA WINE AND BEER SHOP’.
We had never tried alcohol nor were we too friendly with louts who were fond of it. Hum to apne Maa-baap ke ache bache the. As a result we weren’t really too sure of the brand and the kind. So considering the budget and the TV ads we decided to get a ‘Haywards 5000’.
As we were about to enter the shop, my girlfriend called. She sorted out our differences.
Now, wait a minute, I was about to get drunk because that’s what grown ups with broken hearts do. Now that the damage was re-paired (pun intended), I had no reason to drink. But I couldn’t leave a man behind. So I stormed into the shop and ordered for two Haywards 5000.
Initially my request was turned down, because we were under-age (we forgot about that). But then I told him that I was from Bihar and my friend was from U.P. That worked. We got the bottles to our apartment.
There was one more problem. My room-mate CMKT was the Nerdiest (MS Word says that’s not a real word) creature on the planet. He wouldn’t allow us to turn our educational abode into a bar. So, we decided to savour it before he returns. No sooner did this idea dawn upon us than the door-bell rang. CMKT was back. Panic struck. Somehow we managed to hide the bottles in a trunk. In CMKT’s trunk.
He came in and looked at our faces. We were trying to hide the expression of hiding the bottles. As usual he wanted to study, so he walked into his room and opened his trunk to take out his books.
Have you even been unfortunate enough to watch the entire episode of any Ekta Kapoor soap? You’ll surely see a scene where a particular reaction is replayed thrice, just to reiterate the significance of that particular emotion. That’s exactly what his reaction was. He lectured us in a dad-like way. Like prodigal sons Firangi and I took the bottles and walked into the other bedroom.
Beer tasted like shit the first time. But we were so used to taking shit from our fate that we continued consuming it. Finally we finished our beer. We weren’t drunk but we wanted to be drunk, so we got drunk.
Piece of gyaan – Alcohol makes you brave.
Firangi and I stormed into CMKT’s room and abused him in a way he couldn’t imagine. We scared the shit out of that poor thing. We abused him using words like Loser, Virgin, and a few other harsh ones. He was devastated. Before his ears could start bleeding, his eyes started peeing. He left the room in tears.
Such was the experience; we decided to face it more times.
And that was the beginning of the two greatest alcoholics our friends will ever know.